Circle of Life
Remember when a year’s worth of time seemed to take forever to get through? Like when you were 13 and all you wanted to be was 16 but my God, that was 3 WHOLE YEARS away! Once you reached 16, you just couldn’t wait for 18. And yet still, that was 2 more years. Never mind that once 18 came, you didn’t give a damn because you still had to wait until you were 21 to buy your own alcohol and playing “Hey, Mr.” was getting old. Time went by so slowly.
Suddenly at 21 you look back and think how quickly it all went by. And now what age did you have to look forward to? You’re years out of high school now, most of your friends have started serious relationships, college, or are already having children and there’s not another birthday that brings any wonderful privileges.
Things change, the minute that you get to watch life through another’s eyes, everything changes. Who cares how old I am? But, my 15 month old is getting so big!
Out of my circle of high school friends, I was the last one to become a parent. And you know there’s a pretty good reason for that. *laugh* But now that I am I don’t think I could ever go back to being anything remotely like what I was before she came.
Someone, one day, puts this tiny helpless little thing in your hands and says “her life depends on you,” and the world is no longer what it was.
You get in the car and scream at other people: “SLOW DOWN! Don’t they know my baby is in the car?”
A screen name that used to say “I’m a fun loving girl” no longer makes sense and is replaced with something that has the name Mom, Mommy, or Mama in the title.
Oh and that piercing or two that was highly sexual, hip, and a whole lot of fun – that has to go! Not only is it now highly inappropriate, you cannot fathom others knowing you’re a Mom with a piercing like that!
The tattoos, well, those will always be wonderful. But now you think before you go to get the ink. “Will the other women that are part of the PTA look at me crazy for this?” . . . “Fuck it, I’m getting it anyway!”
The first time you see movement for a crawling baby you get down and realize: she can hurt herself on EVERYTHING I own!
With the onset of your toddler talking, you begin to think about your own language and what you do and do not want them to pick up. “Remember, she’s supposed to learn 5 new words a day . . . let’s not have her learn fuck today.”
At a holiday, your Christmas list begins to read slightly off.
• Peek-a-Blocks Turtle
• V Smile Baby
• Anything that is educational
• Anything that is musical
• Little Einstein’s movies
• Did I mention anything educational?
All of course… for the baby. Oh wait, I’m sorry, you asked about me? Wow, how long has it been since I thought about what I wanted? Never mind anyways, spend the money on the baby!
Eating becomes a new challenge and far more time consuming and complicated than you could have ever thought.
“Why does every damn waiter or waitress put the food directly in front of the baby? Don’t they know she’s going to reach for it and/or burn herself?”
And did you ever realize that eating could come with guilt? Yes, for several reasons, guilt is now a factor of your meals:
• I feel guilty because she REALLY wants to try what I’m eating. But she’s not old enough, it’s too hot, she’s allergic, etc.
or
• I feel guilty because I allowed her to try everything I was eating and now someone has to come along and clean up the mess she left behind when she hated it all and threw it on the floor.
Phone conversations change as well. Now instead of spending 20 minutes BSing or just talking about the weather, I need you to get the point. The minute my toddler realizes my eyes have left her I’m just sure she’s going to turn off the TV, unplug the computer, and/or hunt down the cats like they’re going to be tonight’s dinner.
Remember when you grabbed your wallet and keys and said “I’m going to the store, I’ll be right back.” That doesn’t happen anymore. Should you wish to accomplish this task without your mini-me in tow, you need to first spend 5 minutes at the door saying Goodbye and explaining “I’m just going to be gone for one minute. I have to go across the street and get you some milk and it’s too cold for you to come.” Meanwhile, there’s a snotty nose and tears just because she wants to be with you. She’s got no clue what you’re trying explain, she just knows you’re still leaving – WITHOUT her! How dare you?
And let’s not make light of the fact that the minute you actually get in the car and have left that face for the first time just to get milk, you’ll be in tears. The entire trip to the grocery store which really did take a minute you’ll feel guilty. But when you walk back in the house, the face of the toddler that greets you makes you realize you feel more awful about it than she did!
The time when she is going to go, there are bound to be things you forget. Like the time you were so proud you got yourself and the house ready to go in 20 minutes flat. Only to reach into the diaper bag in the back seat and realize that while you remembered the sippy cup with the milk, you neglected to put the little plastic stopper inside the lid of the cup. Therefore, the spill proof sippy cup no longer works and the entire cup of milk has now spewed into the bag!
And please, let’s not forget that even after a fresh vacuum and mopping you’ll never fully get everything off of the floor. But, wait, your toddler will. And before you can even blink or get the words “Don’t eat that!” out of your mouth, she’ll have already swallowed whatever little morsel on the ground she found.
But, in the long run and through the daily rounds of “No honey, please don’t do that,” said as patiently as possible 500 times, you’ll see a world that others never see.
First, you realize that everything in the world no longer looks the way it used to… for you! But the tree that has all the beautiful colors of fall hanging from it became a lesson. A great way to start talking about the different seasons, pointing out colors, and an adventure listening to the noise a dried leaf can make.
You’ll see that the cat’s tail really is a fascinating toy. And while not always the best thing to pull on the reaction from the cat can be kind of exciting.
When the TV is tuned into the Disney channel and you catch yourself singing all of the songs or patting your knees to make rocket go, you’ll get how exciting language is. And hot damn, no wonder they stare at the box like its baby-crack!
Possibly, for the first time, you’ll understand why the wind is something to giggle about. And with just that little bit of hair on their head… it must feel funny to have the breeze blowing it around.
Notice the many colors that bubble has and how crazy it is that there are 100’s all around you but you will never catch one? Funny, isn’t it?
Socks aren’t a necessity. Actually, they were invented just so that they could be pulled off and placed on top of your head which when left there, is quite amusing.
You’ll wait for the day that sleeping becomes what it used to be. Because even though she no longer wakes in the middle of the night, you still will. Because you just know that if you don’t crawl out of your warm bed into the cold air and check on her, you’ll lay there for hours wondering if she’s okay. Meanwhile, she’s sound asleep. I wonder when sleeping does go back to normal . . .
The time you used to be up and ready to hit a party or the club is now the time your toddler goes into meltdown mode because she’s not yet in bed. Forget a loud night club you just want a little silence in the house. But mostly, you want it as quiet as possible so you can listen to any noise that may come out of her bedroom.
And tonight, you’ll finally get to the time when you’re too tired to do anymore and you’ll crawl in bed. Tomorrow it’ll be just the same.
So, what’s the next age to look forward to? 5. The age when you have to drop her off at school, watch her go into her classroom and wave goodbye to you. And you’ll sit outside of school waiting for her to get out with tears wondering where the hell the last 5 years went. And all she wants is to be is 6 so she can go and play with the big kids in first grade.
This post was written by this blog’s original owner, Katy Castro who you can find blogging at I’m Blogging That!
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